Last night I decided to watch BATTLESHIP, which is a mostly terrible movie that is full of big, stupid fun. I knew almost immediately that I was going to love hating this movie so I decided to do an impromptu live blog on App.net of my thoughts as I watched it. I’ve reposted the results here:
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12557599
Awe-ful, by the way, is a very clever portmanteau of awesome and awful, which is absolutely 100% how I would describe this movie.
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12557663
Fun fact: Producers originally cast Ben Affleck in the lead role before they realized that Taylor Kitsch is, quote: “prettier and younger and at least 2% better at acting”. Yes, I know that it’s redundant to type ‘quote’ when I am using quotation marks, but I liked the way it sounded in my head and it’s my blog so nyaahhhh!
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12557801
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12557962
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12558444
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12559295
Seriously, though, these guys earn the award for worst park rangers ever. Their deaths were in no way unfortunate because they deserved to get grind-murdered by space-blender-death-balls. Also, how fortunate was it that the guard with the keys to the abandoned jeep wasn’t completely ground into mushy-man-pulp so that they could recover said keys?
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12560442
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12560676
No, I didn’t misspell ‘know’. I actually meant ‘now’. Stop judging me. It sounds totally awesome when you say it wrong like that.
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12560704
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12560855
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12560916
I really, really, really want to know if it’s possible to do to the USS Missouri what these guys did. Because, if so, how awesome would Naval X-Games be?!
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12561092
I had an issue with this at the beginning of the movie but I let it go because there were so many other awe-ful things to see. But when it became a critical plot point, I could no longer hold my tongue.
https://alpha.app.net/zepfhyr/post/12561198
At one point during my rantings, fellow appnetizen Greg Mooney caught my typo and pointed it out:
https://alpha.app.net/gm/post/12561281
As it turns out, the typo was on my “buddy cop” comment, so it fit perfectly. All-in-all, I enjoyed myself. And really, isn’t that what life is all about?
P.S. I kept hoping that the Japanese captain would order the attack on Oahu so I could point out the irony of a Japanese naval officer firing on Hawaii in an attempt to save it, rather than destroy it. Sadly, I was disappointed.
