Zephyrus of the Anemoi

.the ramblings of a radman.

Author: Jared Cash (Page 10 of 41)

Severe (June 27, 2013)

June 27, 2013 /

Silver forks dance across the horizon, illuminating the blue-grey afternoon sky
Droplets pelt the near-invisible screen before me, blocking the road from view

I slow, fearing I might lose control in a fog so thick they call it rain

Roadsigns slide by
Practically invisible
Completely unreadable

Red eyes stare at me through the thicket
The beasts to which they are attached nothing more than dark shapes lumbering in obscurity

Soon the brambles relent, no longer tearing at the glass barrier separating us
Soft rays clamber through from above

I signal my intent and exit, leaving the dark forest of water behind
Praying that those wanderers still hidden within its depths find their path safely home

Returning to the stage

June 24, 2013 /

So, yesterday I had my first read-through since college.

Since college.

For those of you that don’t realize it, I graduated with a major in theatre with hopes and dreams of being a filmmaker. I’ve long been a writer and actor and had dreams of being a director, as well. Alas, life does not always follow our best-laid plans and I was set upon a different path. The good news is that my new path led me to the wonderful life I’m living now. I’m not sure whose path this was in the beginning, but I’m glad that sucker fell off of it so that I could take it. It’s an awesome path.

One of the great things about being me (of which there are many, but there’s only so much storage space on the Internet, and you’ve got better things to do than read 24 volumes of Jared Is Awesome: Here’s Why) is that I’ve got some truly spectacular friends. One of them happens to be a singer, songwriter, and playwright. In fact, she has one show that should be going up in New York in less than a month. She’s good.

It just so happened that she submitted a script to Kansas City’s Fringe Festival this year and she asked some of her friends to be in it. I was one of them (as was my beautiful wife). And so, yesterday, for the first time in 10 years, I sat down at a table full of creative types and started the process of turning myself into someone I’m not (except that this particular character is so easy to slip into that I think it will be a lot less work and a lot more play, something I’m quite excited about).

It’s a strange feeling to step back into something you haven’t done in a decade. It feels very comfortable, like an old shoe, but there’s a sense of déjà vu that’s hard to shake. I haven’t been this excited about something that isn’t related to my role as a father and a husband in quite some time. I was nervous right up until the moment I sat down and opened the script. And then, those nerves were gone and it was as though I’d never stopped doing this.

I’m really excited and I hope that all of you are excited, as well, because it’s very easy to come see the show.

It’s called Multitudes and we’re performing July 20th, 23rd, and 26th at the Just Off Broadway theater in Kansas City, MO. Here’s a link to the show page. You can also buy tickets there, as well. They’re only $5, though you do have to purchase a Fringe Festival button (also $5) to see the shows that are part of the festival (even the free ones). You can also buy the buttons at the venue. Just check out the Fringe KC website if you want all the details.

And gentlemen, I can assure you that your ladies will think more of you if you take them out to a play instead of the movies or a club. There’s a certain level of class they just won’t be familiar with from other guys.

Today’s awesome iOS releases: Star Wars: KOTOR and Warhammer Quest (plus a free copy of Magicka!)

May 30, 2013 /

I’m going to skip the boring lead-in and jump right to the meat of this post.

Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic is out now for the iPad. If you’ve never played it, then you’re in for a treat. KOTOR was built on the same basic mechanics as Neverwinter Nights and an improved engine, Bioware gave players a chance to finally step into a Star Wars video game like never before. While later forays (like Mass Effect) into the RPG market would prove far more ambitious, KOTOR was notable in that it allowed players to essentially play inside a D&D world that was Star Wars themed. Quest outcomes had an effect on story and sometimes even future quests. Dialogue between players could drastically alter one’s “alignment”, plunging the player’s character into the Dark Side (which affected gameplay mechanics, as well as parts of the story).

This review over at IGN has more details on the game, which they gave an 8.8. The game is available in the App Store for $10.

∞

The second piece of news I have to share is that Warhammer Quest was released for iOS late last night. If you’ve never heard of Warhammer Quest, then spend more time reading my blog. :-p

Warhammer Quest is, in my opinion, the definitive cooperative dungeon crawler hack-and-slash board game. If you like rolling dice to chop things up and loot the bloody entrails, then this game is perfect for you. The only issue with Warhammer Quest that any of my friends and family ever have is that it’s too bloody hard. There are a number of times in the game where a bad dice roll means your character is just gone. Forever.

Of course, house rules often allow players to make some sort of exception to perma-death, as no one wants to spend 10 hours building a character only to have him vanish into the aether because the odds are against them.

The iOS release is brought to you by Rodeo Games, the creators of the Hunters series for iOS. While those games were pretty good, Warhammer Quest is vastly improved over those. Where Hunters focused on building a team of mercenaries to complete tasks, level up, and buy new equipment, Warhammer Quest is focused on venturing forth with a team of adventurers to do battle, level… up, and… buy new… equipment… Okay, so it’s basically the same game with orcs and dwarves and goblins and elves and magic and axes. But trust me, it’s better.

Sadly, a few things were lost in the translation from board game to video game: most notably, multiplayer. While it’s still possible to sit around a single iPad with your friends and take turns controlling individual characters, the game just isn’t designed for that. Further, in becoming a video game, some of the charm of the original is lost. Warhammer Quest for iOS is perfect for those that loved to play WHQ by themselves when no one else was available and they needed a dungeon-looting fix. But for those that want the camaraderie that taking a party on an adventure that was almost certainly going to result in one or more deaths, you won’t find it here.

Still, it’s worth the $5 for the single player features alone. And, if you find you’ve burned through the game with all the starting heroes and want more, you can purchase more from the game’s store (however, the price is a bit high in my opinion).

So go check it out and give it a go. And when you’re done, try and find a copy of the board game on Amazon to play with your friends. The iOS release is available in the App Store.

∞

Lastly, I wanted to share the best deal of the day with you. Magicka for iPad is currently FREE! Magicka feels like Castle Crashers but with a much heavier emphasis on sorcery and team-killing. In fact, one of the best features of the game is being able to cast spells on your friends to hurt help them.

I don’t need to explain this one much because it’s free. If you’re not going to download it purely on my recommendation and it’s $0 price tag, then I weep for you. It’s in the App Store, like all the others.

Mashed Apples and Google Gravy

May 17, 2013 /

John Gruber and Ian Betteridge got into a discussion recently about Apple, Google, hypocrisy, and hyper-competitive nature (I made a Readlist for it here, which I will update with any future discussions). It’s an interesting read no matter on which side of the fence you rest (or, if you carefully walk across the top of it as I sometimes do). It’s no secret that I prefer the Apple side of the fence most often simply because I prefer their business model. I am often impressed by the cool new toys that Google creates (I think Glass is awesome, even though it represents a dangerous invasion of privacy—I think it has little value in daily life, but is perfect for family vacations, experimental film-making, and other activities that deserve to be captured). My concern always comes not from the things Google makes available to users, but the strings attached to using those tools. As such, I often work very hard to distance myself from those toys until I can see the negatives as clearly as the positives.

I’ve been classified as a Google-hater before. I think that’s unfair. I don’t trust Google to do what’s right in their pursuit of the future, but I think their goal of bringing the future to us today is admirable. It’s their methods I often question. I’m excited about the use of “big data” to help users find answers to the information that they seek. But, because they make their money on advertising, I don’t trust that they’ll give me the most relevant answers over the most profitable. I’m also excited to live in an area of the world that will have access to Internet at speeds we could only dream about for years.

This isn’t to say that Apple doesn’t do things that irk me, as well. The key difference is that Apple has never made me feel as though they don’t care about my privacy. Are they perfect? Definitely not. But, they’re better than almost every other company out there at making a product I love and that suits me. And I sincerely hope that Google can one day be a company that returns to that same level in my life.

All that said, a comment from Mike Knopp on Ian’s final post was worth reading as it summed up very succinctly my concerns:

Google isn’t evil because they are anti-Apple, they achieved that all on their own.

I have to completely agree with Dbabbage. I have no interest in dealing with a company whose entire business seems to rely on them using *me* instead of me paying to use them (their product).

Is Google hypocritical? I believe that they are, but also believe that they aren’t likely aware of it. From listening to Page speak, I truly think that he truly believes what he says.

My response to that is a very old, and cliched quote, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” Sayings don’t become cliche by being false. I see Google’s business model as the apple on the tree of knowledge or Pandora’s box. If the world accepts their offer the consequences will not be good. At least not in my mind, but in people like Page’s mind, I guess things are different.

After all, if you use Google’s products be very aware that Page’s view of privacy is, “If you don’t want people to know about it. You likely shouldn’t be doing it.”Think about that the next time you are looking up medical info on something you don’t want people knowing about or looking for a new job. Page thinks that these things should be public knowledge. Do you?

Do I think Google is evil? No, I don’t. I think they view privacy in a vastly different way than I do and that the consequences for that world view have not yet fully played out. Sadly, by the time they do, we may not be able to put the safeguards in place that we should be building today. As to the hypocrisy, that’s for others to decide. I don’t know what Larry Page believes, only what he says out loud. It could be carefully crafted PR bullshit, or it could be exactly what he feels. It’s up to us to decide where our cynicism ends and our hope for a technological utopia begins.

Joss Whedon returns to TV with Marvel’s “Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.”

May 15, 2013 /

Anyone that knows me knows I love Joss Whedon. Not just a little bit. I mean, I’ve seen everything he’s ever done at least once and most of it three times or more. It’s safe to say that Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel are responsible for how I judge the majority of television that comes along, and Firefly is the shiniest show I know. Plus, Dr. Horrible was the first web series for which I ever paid money.

So, when I tell you that I’m excited for Marvel’s new TV series about S.H.I.E.L.D., keep in mind that what I’m really saying is that I’m excited for Joss Whedon’s return to television. Especially since he’s got a franchise behind him that will almost guarantee that we get 5 seasons from the show. It’s not a Firefly revival, but it’s a start.

Anyway, the trailer for the new series was released yesterday and it’s awesome. I highly recommend you take the next three minutes of your life and watch it now.

Escape

May 9, 2013 /

He awoke in a small, dank cell.

Aren’t they all?

He smirked at the thought of being locked up in the lush penthouse, something he knew all too well as a child, when he had been a prisoner in his own home. That had been ages ago. Just before he’d met Iris.

Iris!

The last few hours came flooding back to him. The fight in the lobby, the inhuman creatures doing his lover’s bidding, the way she drugged him and brought him here. Zeph had to assume the last bit, as he’d been unconscious, but it certainly seemed the most plausible scenario. He should have seen this coming, of course. He had broken Iris’s heart too many times through the years. It was only a matter of time before she did the same to him. He wanted to be upset, but realized it was futile. She had done what he had forced her to do.

The only thing to do at this point was to find a way out of here, and if he was very, very lucky, find a way to save Iris. If it wasn’t too late.

Zeph wondered what Notu had offered her. He could only assume he was in one of Notu’s dungeons under Anemoi Tower. Zeph never should have left the family business when Notu began to turn dark. If he had stayed, he might have been able to prevent the devastation of the last several months. But he had more pressing matters at the time.

Like the demon-spawn under Chicago, of course.

There was a scraping at the door and Zeph quickly feigned unconsciousness. The rusty hinges creaked as though the door hadn’t been used in years. It probably hadn’t, as Zeph and his brothers made a pact to seal them off in the ’50s, when their father passed. The gaoler entered slowly, cautiously. He had been warned of Zeph’s heightened constitution. Zeph leapt off the table in a flash, snatching the keys from the gaoler’s waist and slipping through the door. He slammed it shut behind him. The gaoler let out an alien growl. Notu had found this particular lost soul deep underground. It was accustomed to cramped passageways, but it didn’t take kindly to being trapped. It furiously and repeatedly threw itself against the door.

The gaoler’s strength proved great indeed, and the frame on which the door was hung began to shake, despite its sturdy nature. Flakes of rust showered down as the metal rattled. Zeph decided it was probably a good time to leave. He sprinted down the hallway and took a left at the first junction. The cell door came clattering off its hinges behind him and the gaoler roared so loudly that the ground shook beneath Zeph’s feet.

As he rounded the next corner, Zeph came face-to-face with three more of the creatures that attacked him in the lobby.

Good. Payback time.

Zeph threw his left leg out in a half-split and dropped into a low crouch. The Drowling, as he would later learn they were called, were caught off guard by his sudden appearance and hadn’t yet formulated plan of attack. Zeph’s smile grew so large it threatened to eat his face. He was going to enjoy this.

He quickly stood up straight and snapped one leg out at the throat of the closest Drowling. His foot connected hard and the Drowling crumpled to the ground. Down, but not out, the creature immediately began to rise again, gasping for air.

Okay, so they have to breathe, Zeph mused. That’s one way to kill them.

The second and third rushed right at him. Zeph ducked as the second hurled itself forward, shoulder first. Too slow, Zeph collapsed onto his back as the beast careened into him. Rolling through the fall, Zeph threw the Drowling down the hallway as the gaoler rounded the corner at full speed. The crunch of bone and flesh echoed as they collided and his two assailants collapsed into a heap, struggling to disentangle themselves. The first Drowling was back on his feet and breathing much better, though he still wheezed a bit. The third was upon him and Zeph raised his arms to protect his head as the Drowling pummeled him from above.

Enough of this.

Zeph sucked in as much air as he could while being punched in the chest and exhaled as hard as he could. The force of the wind from his mouth hurled one of the Drowling into the air above Zeph. Pinwheeling to his feet, Zeph spun round and hit the creature as it fell. He aimed for the dead center of the chest, hoping to stop the Drowling’s heart, but as he connected, he sensed that the beast had a drastically different cardiovascular system to his own. A psychic flash in his mind revealed the heart was much lower in the abdomen. With the speed of a striking cobra, Zeph brought his other fist up and crushed the creatures heart with force of the blow. It was dead before it hit the ground.

Two ways.

The last standing Drowling turned suddenly and ran away. Zeph, confused, turned to see the gaoler and other Drowling clawing at their eyes as rivulets of blood poured from them. Iris stepped around the corner into view. She raised her hand in warning and Zeph froze.

His pulse quickened and, for a moment, he was happy to see her. One look at her eyes and he could see the hate burning through her. He knew that this was no rescue.

“Why are you doing this?” he asked.

“My love, don’t you know?” mocked Iris. “Hell hath no fury like a witch scorned…”

Robot Unicorn Attack is back, Jack!

April 26, 2013 /

Oh, yeah! That’s right, I’m busting out the rhymes for this one. Except I’m done, now. Go beatbox somewhere else. And get off my lawn.

Now, where was I? Oh, yeah. Robot Unicorn Attack 2 is in the App Store. For free (as in beer). It’s pretty. I like to play it. If you enjoyed the first one (or the other two), then you’ll probably like this one. It’s a free-to-play endless runner that looks like it was vomited up by Lisa Frank. That’s a compliment, bee-tee-dubs. I was saddened when I first fired up the game and didn’t hear Erasure’s “Always” filling my ear holes with it’s beautiful melody. The song that comes with the game is still quite excellent and feels very 80s child fantasy (like from Legend or The Neverending Story). The good news, however, is that once you reach Rank 4, you can purchase new songs to listen to while playing the game for $0.99 apiece. Those purchases come with 500 Unicorn Dewdrops (I don’t know if that’s what they’re called, but I like calling them that), the in-game currency. So, if you really can’t bear to play this game without some rockin’ 80s music, there’s a small, but decent selection (including “Never Ending Story” by Limahl and “Always” by Erasure).

Another new feature is the ability to customize the appearance of your unicorn (also available at Rank 4). This is one of two ways to spend your Unicorn Dewdrops (the other being to buy one-time use power-ups before your run). There are a number of different skins and accessories to buy for your unicorn, all of which affect the gameplay by adjusting the running speed, the number of times you can jump in the air, or even letting you fly at top speed.

So, if you’re a fan of the original, or endless runners, or you just want to have your cutesy-awesome buttons pushed by a robot, you should download this game.

Seriously, why are you still reading this? Go!

“Always, I want to be with you, and make believe with you, and live in harmony harmony oh love…”

UPDATE: I joined Team Rainbow, when given the chance. Those of you that choose the Dark Side and join Team Inferno will be on my watch list.

Comic Talk, a podcast about comics for neophytes

April 23, 2013 /

So my cousin Alex recently got into comics for practically the first time in his life. He had a few issues back when he was still a level 1 Padawan, but it wasn’t until he leveled up and multiclassed (as Worker Bee, sadly) that he was able to find/make time to read more and actually have the means to do so for a reasonable price and time investment. Thanks to the advent of Marvel Unlimited, a comic book equivalent to Netflix, he has been catching up on a lot of Marvel’s history, which got him excited to discuss it with me, as I’ve spent a little more time with our four-color (nerd for “comic books”) friends.

So, naturally, we decided to record ourselves and throw together a podcast. Interestingly enough, despite the ease with which we had access to Marvel comics and the fact that we both know and love Marvel’s characters more than DC’s, we decided to start by reading some DC comics. Maybe it’s the great unknown, or maybe it’s because The Death of Superman was one of those moments in my own history that kept me interested in comics over the years, but that’s what we decided upon.

Anyway, the first episode, in which we introduce ourselves and discuss our plans for the podcast, is online already and the second (wherein we discuss The Death of Superman) will be online Soon™. If you want to follow along with what we’re reading, I highly recommend checking out the website and subscribing to the podcast. We post which issues we’re reading so that you can listen in and follow along. We’re also on Twitter and App.net if you just want to jump into the discussion with us.

A sample morning

April 10, 2013 /

The phone rang. It was 8:17 and it was my first phone call of the day. I picked up the phone.

“Tech office.”

“I need your help troubleshooting a computer problem,” began the teacher on the line. “I can’t get the projector to work.”

“Did you restart it?”

“Yeah, it didn’t fix it.”

I rubbed my temple, knowing a headache was on its way. The familiar beep of another call to my line chirruped in my ear. I ignored it. I knew the most likely solution would require me to do a bunch of simple, but fancy techno-geekery to fix the computer. I wanted to do it in my office. I almost asked the teacher to bring it to me. I didn’t.

“Where are you? I’ll come to you.”

I made a mental note of the teacher’s room and hung up. I looked at the computer in my lap, completely forgetting for the moment what I was doing with it. The door to my office opened and the police officer assigned to my building walked through. He needed information on two computers that had been reported stolen. I started to print them out for him.

The phone rang again.

“Tech office.”

Immediately, the “call waiting” chime went off in my ear again. I ignored it. Again.

The librarian on the line needed help getting someone connected to the Internet. I listened patiently and mapped a path through the building to the two separate destinations I needed to go. I hung up the phone.

I looked at the computer, no longer able to remember the names of the students whose computers were stolen.

“What were the kids names again?” I shouted to the officer next door. He gave them to me. I looked at the computer on my lap again. I remembered which software needed to be installed on it and grabbed the appropriate flash drive. I stood to go make my rounds when a student walked through the door. I expected the phone to ring any second. The officer came to pick up his printouts and told me the student had done her community service to pay for her computer. I directed her to the treasurer and left my office, laptop in hand.

As I left the office area, the front desk receptionist stopped me.

“They need you in the library.”

I let her know that they got a hold of me and I was on my way up there. She immediately turned to finish her conversation.

I installed the software as I walked. I arrived at the library first. The moment I walked in, I was informed that the issue had been fixed. Another teacher popped in and mentioned the same. Turns out, it wasn’t something I could have fixed anyway, and they simply chose to use a different machine. One down, one to go.

I ventured back into the hallway and toward the stairs back down to the ground floor. I trekked across the commons and down the hall to the teacher with the projector issue. I found him at the very back area of the art room. I made my way toward the laptop when I heard him speak.

“I fixed it.”

“What?”

“I fixed it,” he said again. “I unhooked everything and hooked it all back up, and it worked.”

I suppressed a grimace, nodded to the teacher and said, “Okay.”

Secretly wondering why I bothered leaving my office, I left. I walked back across the building and sat down in my chair. The laptop was still installing software, so I set it down to finish. I looked at the clock. It was 8:26.

I took a deep breath and looked for my coffee mug.

The phone rang.

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