Zephyrus of the Anemoi

.the ramblings of a radman.

Category: Movies (Page 5 of 6)

Somewhere out there…

February 8, 2011 /

Somewhere out there, a parallel universe exists. This alternate reality is exactly like ours in nearly every way. There are thousands of parallel realities, but this one is the most important. It bears a 99.9999999% likeness rating to our own and has the following key features:

Jonathan Brandis and River Phoenix are still alive and have been cast in 3 movies together. In one of them, they starred opposite Leonardo DiCaprio. It tanked.

Firefly was never canceled. It ran for seven years and has become the gold standard for science-fiction character dramas on television. Joss Whedon created a spin-off about a young Shepherd Book. It was cancelled during the first season but has had a very successful comic book series since.

George Lucas died in 1996. On his deathbed, he turned over creative control of the series to Steven Spielberg. He sat on the rights for several years and eventually formed a partnership with J.J. Abrams and Timothy Zahn, requiring unanimous decisions for the future of the franchise. To this day, no one has ever heard of Jar Jar Binks or “Ani” Skywalker.

Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip is still on the air and has served as biting commentary on the political state of our nation. He has announced his plans to run for President in 2012 should President Obama decide not run again.

Facebook and Google were both brought up on charges for mishandling of personal information of their clients. Facebook has not recovered from the bad publicity and has been overtaken by several social networks. Eric Schmidt is currently spending 5 years in prison for willfully violating the privacy of millions of Americans. Mark Zuckerberg has appealed his case and is currently still on trial.

Television networks have invested heavily in web and mobile distribution for currently airing series. Netflix and Hulu are the two most visited websites in all of the world thanks to easy viewing on iPhones, iPads and many set-top boxes/gaming devices.

Hulu Plus = not enough

July 7, 2010 /

So Hulu announced their new Hulu Plus subscription service this week and I just wanted to say… it sucks.

Now hear me out, because I’m a big fan of Hulu. I am not, however, a fan of paying for ads. Nor am I a fan of paying more for less. And, unfortunately, that is what’s happening with Hulu Plus.

Let’s start with the advertisements. I have no problem watching ads in order to view TV. I’ve been doing it for years, and it’s worked out pretty well for me. But the reason that I loved Hulu in the early days is that the ads were fewer and (as the service grew) targeted to the viewer. Unfortunately, Hulu decided that they weren’t making enough money from ads and needed to start a subscription-based model to bring in more money. The good news, now Hulu can afford to pay all those pesky licensing fees so that they can show every episode from every series they’ve got online, even if it’s the current season of your favorite ABC drama. The bad news, Hulu forgot that people paying for Internet-based subscription-driven websites don’t like to also be forced to watch ads during their shows.

Why is this a problem? For starters, Netflix already offers a great deal of the same shows with no ads for a cheaper price. Furthermore, Netflix offers something that Hulu doesn’t (which brings me to my second issue, paying more for less). At Netflix, $9 per month will get you unlimited streaming and 1 DVD out at a time from Netflix’s vast rental library. That’s $1 cheaper than Hulu Plus’s $10 subscription fee and includes the added bonus of being able to watch shows and movies that aren’t available for streaming without ever leaving your house to go rent them (except of course when you walk to your mailbox, but if you’re that agoraphobic, then you have larger problems).

So why will people use Hulu? Honestly, because it’s still a fairly cheap service and has established itself as a common enough name that people trust the brand. Also, the free content remains free, so people will be pressured to sign up while viewing the free content. It’s a business model that has worked well in the past. Netflix doesn’t have any sort of free service. The only way to try before you buy is to sign up for a free month and see how it fits. Plus, if you want access to Hulu on your iPhone or iPad, you’ve got to be a subscriber (though, again, Netflix offers this service for the iPad already and will be adding the iPhone very soon).

Hey, maybe you’ve got money to burn and can afford a subscription to both. If that’s the case, feel free to sign me up, as well. Being able to watch every season of Stargate SG-1 while I’m waiting for my tires to get changed is an excellent use of my (still) unlimited data plan. Suck on that, AT&T.

All this has happened before, and all this will happen again

October 30, 2009 /

On October 27, David Eick, Ronald D. Moore, Jane Espenson, and Edward James Olmos released upon the world Battlestar Galactica: The Plan. The film follows the story of the Cylons from just before the destruction of the colonies to just before they settle New Caprica. It deals with the reason for their attack on the colonies, what they had hoped to achieve through the destruction of the human race, and why they continuously failed to do so.

But that’s all beside the point. That’s cold, unfeeling words that describe what happens. That’s not what the movie is.

BSG: The Plan is a gorgeously crafted, perfectly choreographed new dance to the same old tune (the one that you kept hearing from the end of season 3 onward). It is a love letter, penned by a poet, and written as a tribute to the fans of the series. It is jaw-droppingly beautiful. It is gut-wrenchingly painful.

It is a testament to the world crafted during the course of this series that it could be tied so neatly together in one 2-hour package. Not only that, but by revisiting key scenes throughout the first two seasons with gaps filled in, you finally understand how certain characters could change so much by the end of the series. You even begin to see how the decision to work together first came to light.

I highly recommend that anyone that has seen the series to its end watch this. Twice.

Oh, and don’t turn it off when the credits roll. The music has to be heard to be believed.

Blockbuster loses another customer

September 1, 2009 /

Netflix has been eroding Blockbuster’s profit margins for quite some time, but it wasn’t until today that I saw confirmation that Blockbuster just doesn’t get it. I have been extolling the virtues of Blockbuster over Netflix for years, partially due to the in-store exchange option, and partially due to bonus free game rentals.

For example, when I started with Blockbuster, I could exchange my movies received by mail at the store for any free rental I wanted and the next movie in my queue would be sent immediately. However, after several months of this, Blockbuster decided to go beyond getting rid of late charges and instead decided that any rental by a TotalAccess subscriber could be kept indefinitely. The catch: no longer would Blockbuster send out the next DVD in your queue until you return the movie rented in-store.

This was something I could live with, as I still got to rent whatever I wanted, but it did increase the down time I had between movies. But, I was still able to rent two movies or games each month for free, thanks to the coupons given to me as a TotalAccess subscriber. This was great, because there were so many games out there that I wanted to try, but didn’t want to buy unless I knew they were worth it. This was an excellent feature of Blockbuster’s plan, but it recently fell apart.

Tonight, I returned a game to Blockbuster and rented another. During the checkout process, I was informed that I had late fees. This was news to me, as I haven’t had late fees since I started as a TotalAccess subscriber. It was then explained to me that about two weeks ago, Blockbuster changed the terms of their game rentals. Up to this point, every game I rented had no late fees unless kept 7 days beyond the return date, at which point it was converted into a purchase. However, now every day past the initial 5-day rental period is a dollar and then the rental is converted into a purchase.

Thankfully, I was told that I don’t have to pay the late fees, since I wasn’t told about the change, but it didn’t stop me from deciding to quit Blockbuster in exchange for Netflix. i don’t get to rent games, but it’s cheaper and I can have unlimited streaming to my computer and Xbox. It’s a shame that Blockbuster doesn’t get what makes Netflix so profitable. It’s not about finding new ways to charge the customer, but rather making the customer want to use your product more than the others. Let’s hope that Netflix never loses sight of that goal after Blockbuster is dead and gone.

Response to “Thoughts on Star Trek” by MisterD — contains spoilers!

May 19, 2009 /

This post is in direct response to a post by my friend MisterD on his tumblog. It concerns Star Trek and it is laden with spoilers. So, if you still haven’t seen it yet, don’t read this. Also, go out right now and see the movie. What’s wrong with you? Where are your priorities?

Now, on to the important stuff. But first, select episodes of Star Trek (the digitally remastered versions) are available on iTunes for $1.99 each. You can get there via this link here.

WARNING: Ahead there be spoilers!

Continue reading

Two Assholes Watch Kuh-nuh-wunning

April 22, 2009 /

Lubricates your joints!

I hope you’re excited, because we’ve got a special treat for you this episode. jPar and I were so absolutely unimpressed by this movie, it was so completely unforgettable, that we could barely bring ourselves to talk about it at all. I’m not even joking. Maybe 15 minutes of this podcast is actually devoted to the movie.

This episode we watched Knowing, “featuring” Nicolas Cage and the end of the world. If any of you out there are actually deluded enough to believe that Nicolas Cage is talented, then you probably shouldn’t listen to this podcast. Actually, I take that back. You should listen so that perhaps your eyes will be opened.

Anyway, I apologize in advance for the rough nature of this particular episode. I promise that we’ll do much better next time, when the movie is at least entertaining in its horrendous badness. Despite how little time is devoted to the movie, it still turned out to be rather long. So, if you’d prefer to jump directly past the shitty movie talk and get to the really entertaining parts, listen to the intro and then skip to about the 20-25 minute mark and listen from there.

Anyway, you can subscribe via iTunes below or download it manually here.

To listen in your browser, click play below.

Lastly, to subscribe via RSS feed or download in MP3 format, visit this link.

Born, raised, and trapped! Who are we? We're military brats!

April 5, 2009 /

I used to absolutely love this movie as a child. I’m not even joking. I would watch this once or twice a week for a month and then take a break and do it again a few months later. I wanted, more than anything, to be Leonard (Sean Astin). When I first saw Rudy years later, I immediately recognized Sean. I’ve looked and looked for a DVD or VHS release of this, but there has never been one that I can find. If anyone out there has a decent copy, please let me know. Or, if you have the ear of any Disney execs, please beg them for a release.

Anyway, the entire thing is on YouTube, so if you’re interested, check it out here.

Watchmen

March 10, 2009 /

I went to go see Watchmen on Friday and have been digesting it ever since. I know that I have things to say about it, but I don’t have the words to describe the awesome that poured out of the screen into my face. There was a moment in the middle of the movie that I actually stepped outside of myself to realize I was sitting in a theater watching Dr. Manhattan on a 50-foot screen and I had a very meta moment.

I’m extremely disappointed in the reviews coming from the Internet, but I think that many reviewers are attacking the game to stand out from the rest, make a point, or garner attention. There are plenty of movies I’ve seen that I gave a free pass because of the source material, but in this case I didn’t need to do that. The movie was so wrought with the source material, it was almost as though the pages of the comic were woven into the fabric of the costumes and the celluloid it was filmed upon.

That’s not to say that the movie was perfect. The actress that plays Silk Spectre II is not nearly as talented as the rest of the actors on the screen and she’s on-screen a lot. But everyone else shows a great deal of understanding of their characters during the film.

A big thing about the movie that really made me happy was how the director was able to take a graphic novel that had very little action actually depicted (most action was resolved in a handful of frames and takes mere seconds to read), he managed to create a compelling action movie. The meaning of the novel is not lost in the struggle, either. The futility of war, the meaninglessness of death, the struggle for the human race to survive in the face of certain desolation is all there. But even better, most scenes in the film take something from the comic and make sure it’s visible on-screen as a frame of reference. Gorgeous pieces of artwork are placed up on-screen as still images set in motion.

As I said, i don’t have the appropriate words, so I hope that what little I could speak of here will encourage you to see the movie if you’ve read the graphic novel. And if you haven’t, then go see it anyway. If you can, borrow it from the library first and read it, or check out the motion comics on iTunes. Be warned. This film is NOT about heroes saving the day and being shiny and perfect. It’s gritty, it’s dark, it’s violent, and it’s brutal: just like life. There’s still a bit of romanticism to be found, but mostly it’s just a keen view of what our world might be like had the presence of a certain few influenced it.

Sharks in Venice addendum

February 12, 2009 /

It sounds like some of you were actually fans of the enhanced version of the podcast tonight. I will see if I can’t figure out a way to get the future versions to properly feed into iTunes to make it easier to get them. I believe the issues are ironed out and should work great from now on. As promised, I’ve gathered the photos from the enhanced podcast and put them here in a gallery, just for you.

And you, and you, and yes… even you.

Also, I wanted to give this moment give a shout out to Aaron Stimpson for being awesome and creating the intro for tonight’s episode. He’s awesome, and though I’ve never met him before, he gets my eternal thanks.

Two Assholes Watch Sharks in Venice

February 12, 2009 /

Baldwin!

Here it is! The long-awaited return of Two Assholes Watch a Movie! Today we’re going to take you on a journey to the fantastic world of Sharks in Venice. I am not even joking. This movie stars none other than Stephen Baldwin, and uses every last ounce of public domain shark footage they could find.

This time, we’re trying something a little different. I’ve created an enhanced podcast in the AAC format, however, I can’t seem to make it work with iTunes and you can subscribe via iTunes below or download it manually here.

To listen in your browser, click play below.

Lastly, to subscribe via RSS feed or download in MP3 format, visit this link.

EDIT: Attempting to get the Enhanced version of the podcast working with WordPress was one of the most painfully frustrating things I’ve ever done. I’m probably never going to bother with it again unless someone can show me an easier way. I’m going to go punch myself repeatedly in my Baldwin, now. That being said, I will do my best to get the pictures that are on the enhanced podcast uploaded for you to see soon.

EDITEDIT: I’ve figured out how to put .m4a files in properly. For those of you watching this unbearable train wreck as I update and re-update to make AAC files embeddable and iTunes-ified, I do apologize. I believe I’ve got it all ironed out, now.

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