.the ramblings of a radman.

Category: Video Games (Page 8 of 8)

When all else fails, rip off Zelda…

I beg of you Lin– err… I mean, Jazeta, save the princess!

She turned me into a— oh… nevermind…

And now, on to mediocrity!

I love The Legend of Zelda. I always have. The dungeon-crawling, the treasure-hunting, the monster-slaying, the whistle-blowing, and oh-my-goodness the ever so original and incredible music of these games. I honestly feel that Zelda will influence my emotions positively until the day I die. It’s my favorite game series of all time, and I will likely devote an entire saga of posts to it one day. Until that time, however, I shall present you with something far less interesting more relevant.

Neutopia is, quite simply, The Legend of Zelda. There’s really no better way to describe it. Follow the links above and you’ll quickly see the similarities. Most of the game play elements that made Zelda so unique from the rest of the gaming world at the time of its inception are brought to the TurboGrafx with updated graphics.

The sad thing is, that seems to be the only improvement over Zelda. Don’t get me wrong, the game is fun. Slay monsters, find stuff, rescue things, whatever… But it’s overly simplified when compared to the original Zelda for the NES. For example, no less than 5 minutes into the game you have already found bombs and medicine for your character. And, in 10 minutes, you’ve probably already found the fire wand, which allows you to burn down trees to find hidden stairways into all sorts of places (okay, maybe not all sorts of places, cause they all look about the same, and usually they’re just full of people telling you stuff that a 5-year old probably already figured out about the game).

But it almost works. Almost.

Anyone that is over the age of 10 and has played any of the other Zelda titles, particularly the original or A Link to the Past, is going to find the game beneath them. I’ve been using the game as little more than a pastime, once I realized how simple it is. But, at the same time, it’s easy to pick up and play for a short while, because it rarely takes more than an hour to accomplish a significant goal in the game (i.e. finding one of 8 medallions so you can rescue the princess).

So, why buy it?

Well, if you are a Zelda fan, and you want something to tide you over until the next 2-D top-down release, it’s not a bad way to keep yourself occupied. And there are some plus sides to the game for certain types of players. For example, if you don’t care overmuch for the more puzzle-y side of Zelda titles, you don’t need to worry. It becomes pretty obvious early in the game where to bomb for secret doors, and the fire wand can be used again and again to burn away bushes (and for some reason, rocks) to find hidden stairs. The most complicated puzzle I’ve encountered so far is what to do with the rest of my day after I finish the game (it appears to be fairly short, ‘though I’m only a little less than halfway through the levels, and they may get significantly longer in the second half).

Regardless, if you can’t play Zelda, play a Zelda-clone. Just don’t tell anyone that you think it’s better than Zelda. It’s likely to get you mugged.

(Originally posted October 2, 2007)

From ’94 to Infinity: Before Halo

I absolutely loved this article! As someone who (semi-)actively participated in the deciphering of the Marathon Story, and a veteran of the Great Potatoanus War (a rather entertaining joke between friends on the alt.games.marathon newsgroup), it reminded me that I was a part of something so large that it took more than a decade to play out. And, although I was a member of the “team” that felt bitter at Bungie’s eventual sale to Microsoft, I’ve continued to have faith in the one game company that could tell a story so involved, so detailed, and so riddled with symbolism and historical, mythological, theological, & literary references that it has yet to be met with any competition. Even their own “Halo” has been unable to compete depth-wise (although, that is in no small part due to the fact that to tell such a story through cinematic and audio commentary would be virtually impossible).

 

Perhaps it is a shame that technology has advanced to the point wherein NOT having to read has actually had an inverse effect on the effectiveness of storytelling. I cannot wait to see where Bungie will take us when they finish the story of “Halo” and move on to their next big thing. My one hope is that those that made Bungie’s “Marathon” so incredible (Alexander “The Man” Seropian, and Jason Jones) will one day work together again and bring us the final chapter in great storytelling through a medium oft-times too focused on twitch-action and raw horsepower to remember that it is the stories that bring us back for more.

(Originally posted May 18, 2006)

Hit glowworm with stick… eat glowing fruit… repeat…

“Dammit! I should have worn my closed-toe sandals! Screw it, I’ll just club the damned thing to death…”

Alright radioactive slug, let's do this!

While not on the Virtual Console, and not actually a game I’m currently playing, Battle of Olympus has been on my mind of late.

“Why?” you might ask. You didn’t, I know. Just saying. You might.

I’ve got two words for you: Zelda II: The Adventures of Link.

Wait, one, two, three, four– forget it.

Battle of Olympus is the single most awesome side-scrolling Zelda II clone ever. EVER. Let me explain. You play this little Greek dude who sets out on a quest to rescue some girl that was kidnapped by Hades, Lord of the Underworld. Epic, right?

You start off by naming your character and the heroine, who has absolutely no part in the story except that she was kidnapped. Then, you head into battle with all the monsters that have plagued Greek mythology for years: blue worms, red snakes, flying medusa heads—the usual.

As you progress, you’ll meet a few gods, they’ll give you some gifts like new sandals, better weapons (including a sword that shoots lightning bolts in exactly the same manner as the “zaps” from Link’s sword in Zelda II, except you don’t need full health to do it).

Okay, so the gameplay isn’t really something that blows away the competition. Two years after Zelda II and there really has been zero competition up to this point. So, instead of competing, we just steal liberally. The company that created this game is called Infinity. They don’t even exist anymore (it must be assumed, as they have no page of their own in Wikipedia).

The graphics for this game are top notch for a(n) NES title, especially considering it was released in the US in 1989, six years before Nintendo would finally pull the plug on the system.

When I finally get a chance to sit down and play this game again (i.e. if it ever comes out on the Virtual Console), you will get a proper review of it. Until then, if you have this game, pull it out and play it again. If not, I highly suggest finding a method of playing it and proceeding.

(Ed. note: It would appear that your character is named Orpheus and your girlfriend is Helene. Also, apparently you think she dies, when really Hades has forced her to become his bride. In all, it really doesn’t matter, and it’s way more fun when you make up your own story to go along.

For instance, when I play, my name is Mario, and my princess is in another castle.)

(Originally posted August 16, 2007)

The man in red knows something.

Purple pajamas… white shoes… ninjas for hire in New York City… Seriously. This one writes itself.

Ooohhhh! Crouchy.

There are three types of games you’re likely to see on this website. There are the games that are so incredible that I absolutely must tell you about them because I want you to have this wonderful experience that I did. There are the games that are so terrible, I have to warn you against them so that you don’t inadvertently spend money on utter crap cough-cough Moto Roader cough.

And then there are the games that I just happen to stumble across and simply must tell you about.

Wrath of the Black Manta is one of those games.

I recently came into possession of the NES on which my brother and I cut our teeth. This thing is so used that many games actually play more reliably if you leave the game in the “up” position, rather than the “down” position. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, you didn’t own a NES, and you probably have no idea why you’re here. Thank you for coming. Please be quiet so as not to disturb the faithful.

One of the games that my brother had acquired since we stopped sharing everything was Black Manta. At first, I could only assume that this game would be horrendous beyond belief and that the person that last owned it was crying themselves to sleep in a mental institution trying to solve the riddle of a ninja wearing all purple in New York City.

The only way to describe this game properly is to show you. And so I shall…

I have never seen a phone actually ring like that.

The story of the game is told through a variety of cut-scenes composed of still images above text.

The first cut-scene starts off with your character receiving a phone call from your master. My first thought was of course, “Ninjas have phones?”

My second thought didn’t occur until the second or third time I played through the opening sequence.

And why am I looking through my pajama leg?

Clearly, ninjas do not need to sleep. But must Black Manta wear his ninja clothing in the middle of the night when ninja-ing is not actually occurring?

Of course he does, he’s a freakin’ ninja.

So the phone rings and then apparently your master teleports through the phone to land in your living room, because lo and behold, he’s right there in the next image.

Y’know, my name is actually Jim, right?

This is the part where I started to get bored, so I skipped past the rest. From what I was able to glean off the words flitting by, lots of children in New York are being kidnapped and the police and FBI are useless, as always.

So, being a ninja, you decide to put a stop to it. Why? Who the fuck knows? Your master just poofs into existence and suddenly you’re off killing guys in green jumpsuits firing guns at you.

Badly.

So once the gameplay begins, it quickly becomes apparent that you are more than a ninja, you are a superhero. You can jump the height of four oil drums without breaking a sweat, which is impressive in its own right. Further, you can summon forth fire balls to crawl across the ground and seek out your enemies, surround you for half a second to kill anyone that gets too close, launch across the screen to blow up those who oppose you, and generate an illusory ninja that stands on your head and throws real ninja stars.

Not even joking about the fact that your mirror image stands on your head. That has to be the most effective illusion ever.

The only drawback is that the game tries to show you that you have all of these abilities, but doesn’t bother to point out that you must hold down the attack button to trigger them. Thus, I spent the majority of the first game I played only throwing ninja stars and getting my ass kicked.

So you fight through the level, continually grabbing this tougher baddie in red to interrogate him, but apparently believing him every time he says he doesn’t know anything, choosing to let him go so that he can just run ahead 30 feet in the level to do it all over again. I mean, they don’t even bother recoloring him so that you can pretend its a different guy.

Honey! I blew up the midget!

When you do finally reach the end of the level, you find a note telling you that Tiny is waiting in the next building. Very convenient. When you enter the giant whole in the wall of the otherwise structurally sound abandoned warehouse in the middle of NYC, you find the largest dwarf ever birthed from the depths of Hell.

Being the largest dwarf in history has its advantages, but one-on-one combat is not one of them. Tiny, so infuriated by the fact that his disproportionate body makes him incredibly in-agile and therefore incapable of taking on a ninja, he throws a temper tantrum, leaping into the air and shaking the ground with such force upon landing that a single brick always falls directly on the head of our hero.

This is where not knowing how to use your ninja powers bites you in the ass.

Finally, once you’ve thrown enough ninja stars into Tiny’s chin that the giganto-dwarf goes down for the count, you are rewarded with another cut-scene. I didn’t bother reading this one, either. The man in red makes an appearance while he’s talking to his boss and Manta decides it is time to head to Tokyo.

You think this looks silly, I can throw ninja stars without letting go of the sheet.

For some odd reason, when he gets there, rather than walking across the ground to get to his location, he decides to stand on what looks remarkably like a building from the previous level in the middle of nowhere. Ninjas wearing blankets on their backs are soaring through the air at you and provide you with the perfect opportunity to steal one and practice your ninja blanket-surfing skills.

This is pretty much the point where I gave up for the night, as suddenly I was accosted by a hundred green ninjas with blankets of their own that are capable of performing dogfighting maneuvers while throwing fireballs at you. After the sixth time I had died, I realized I had all I need to review this game.

So, what’s the verdict? is Wrath of the Black Manta a game worth owning? If it ever hits the Virtual Console, I highly recommend picking it up. You can’t beat the $5 price tag that it would wear and it’s certainly a lot of fun. The first level is a little challenging until you pick up the control scheme and realize the most effective way to kill the enemies is to wait until they run right up to you and you can stab ‘em up close and personal.

If you can find it on the NES, I recommend it, as well. While not as lasting as other ninja games, like Ninja Gaiden, the ability to use so many powers, and methods to increase your life from three hits to eight through the course of a level makes the game much easier, if a bit hokey.

I know I will be trying to finish the game in the coming weeks, and can definitely recommend it to a friend without feeling like I’m secretly punishing them.

(Originally posted August 19, 2007)

Mixed messages?

Help Zeph get back to his point and get a free copy of CGS posted online, just for you!

Click click click click CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK!!!

So I’m out browsing around the Interweb, and I come across a strange advertisement (seen above). Now, I’m what you would call a video game enthusiast. I’ve played a few rounds of Halo in my life. Not once have I ever seen it available on any Sony device, let alone the Playstation 3.

Does anyone aside from me think that this ad was put together by someone knowing absolute dick about video games? I think they missed the perfect opportunity to put an ad next to it of Mario stomping on Goombas that says “Help Mario jump on all these little brown things and win a free trip to Guatemala”?

“Help the Playstation buttons find their way through the Forest of Lost Atari Games and pick up some GTA hookers while simultaneously driving a go kart through the Mushroom Kingdom and Dance Dance Revolution-ing your way to the top of the Mortal Kombat tournament to face off against Solid Snake in a one-on-one game of Wii Boxing and win a free* assload of spam direct to your inbox and no hope of ever actually winning one of our illustrious prizes.”

*see terms & rules (content not actually free, except for when it is incredibly annoying and distracting, like penis enlargement ads, which are not to be mistaken for free penis enlargement treatment)

Wow. That one got away from me, a bit.

Okay, so I was going to post about some games, but got lost in there somewhere, and the therapy is going to take the rest of the day. So, instead, I’m gonna hit you with a list of great games I’m going to be talking about soon: Kid Icarus, Paper Mario, Clash at Demonhead.

It is safe to pick up and play any of these games without fear of irreparable mental anguish. Again, I remind you that my purpose here is to dissuade you from playing shit (i.e. Moto Roader).

So… go enjoy your day. I’m gonna get back to my “research”.

(Originally posted August 17, 2007)

Welcome to CGS

Total Recall, easily one of the worst games I’ve ever played, is redeemable for only one reason… Virtual glory-holes.

Thanks to Retroforce Go! for helping me discover this.

 

Are you punching me in the face, or offering me some sexy, sexy man-meat?

 

Welcome to the first (reposted) issue of Classic Gaming Sporadically.

This is just a space where I will throw up reviews and thoughts on whatever game I happen to be playing at the moment. I also plan to review new games released onto the Virtual Console in an attempt to protect those of you out there from buying shit.

Like Moto Roader.

I will be experimenting with the format and the theme as I try to find something that works for me, and hopefully for you, as well.

Check back often!

(Originally posted August 15, 2007)
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