With Destiny nearing its end and Destiny 2 ramping up for release, I feel like it’s finally time to share this microstory I wrote about my favorite ship in D1.<\/p>\n
“Dude, I found two holes in the wall of your cockpit. What’s that all about?”<\/p>\n
‘Oh, that. One of those is my glory hole. The other is my gloriole.’<\/p>\n
“What the fucking what?”<\/p>\n
‘Yeah. You put your dick in one and the ship’s AI gives you a blowie. It’s awesome.’<\/p>\n
“And the other?”<\/p>\n
‘Exposes it to pure Traveler’s Light.’<\/p>\n
“Which is better?”<\/p>\n
‘The glory hole. But if you put your dick in the gloriole, it glows in the dark for a week. And if you fuck a Vex with it, they explode.’<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
With Destiny nearing its end and Destiny 2 ramping up for release, I feel like it’s finally time to share this microstory I wrote about my favorite ship in D1. WARNING: VULGARITY AHEAD (not profanity, I mean actual vulgar language; you’ve been warned) “Dude, I found two holes in the wall of your cockpit. What’s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[136,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3432","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-video-games","category-writing","post-preview"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3409,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2015\/08\/silence-facebook\/","url_meta":{"origin":3432,"position":0},"title":"Silence, Facebook!","author":"Jared Cash","date":"August 20, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Or, wait\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Is it \"Silence Facebook\"? Are they silencing Facebook or telling Facebook to\u00e2\u20ac\u201cwhat? They're here? Oh! They're here! Hello, reader! Did you recently update to the latest version of Facebook on your fancy, schmancy iPhone only to discover that it plays annoying bleeps and bloops every time you do\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random Acts of Technology"","block_context":{"text":"Random Acts of Technology","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/rat\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"IMG_7761","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/IMG_7761-1024x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/IMG_7761-1024x1024.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/08\/IMG_7761-1024x1024.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x"},"classes":[]},{"id":8,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2008\/10\/welcome-to-cgs\/","url_meta":{"origin":3432,"position":1},"title":"Welcome to CGS","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 16, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Total Recall, easily one of the worst games I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve ever played, is redeemable for only one reason\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Virtual glory-holes. Thanks to Retroforce Go! for helping me discover this. \u00a0 \u00a0 Welcome to the first (reposted) issue of Classic Gaming Sporadically. This is just a space where I will throw up\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Classic Gaming Sporadically"","block_context":{"text":"Classic Gaming Sporadically","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/games\/video-games\/classicgamingsporadically\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/totalrecall.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/totalrecall.png?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/totalrecall.png?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/totalrecall.png?resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/totalrecall.png?resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":67,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2008\/10\/mixed-messages\/","url_meta":{"origin":3432,"position":2},"title":"Mixed messages?","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 17, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Help Zeph get back to his point and get a free copy of CGS posted online, just for you! So I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m out browsing around the Interweb, and I come across a strange advertisement (seen above). Now, I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122m what you would call a video game enthusiast. I\u00e2\u20ac\u2122ve played a few rounds\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Classic Gaming Sporadically"","block_context":{"text":"Classic Gaming Sporadically","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/games\/video-games\/classicgamingsporadically\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2008\/10\/halo.png?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":363,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2008\/10\/oh-how-the-mighty-have-fallen\/","url_meta":{"origin":3432,"position":3},"title":"Oh, how the mighty have fallen\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 28, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"I just watched last night's episode of Chuck . For a show that I just got done praising as \"the best show on television\", it has certainly fallen far from the tree with one glaringly ridiculous episode. ATARI FOUNDED BY A JAPANESE MAN?! Are you kidding me?!! What self-respecting American\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "TV"","block_context":{"text":"TV","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/tv\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Chuck","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/ax.phobos.apple.com.edgesuite.net\/images\/badgeitunes61x15dark.gif?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":284,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2009\/01\/music-ringtones\/","url_meta":{"origin":3432,"position":4},"title":"Music ringtones, Updated 1\/27\/09","author":"Jared Cash","date":"January 27, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are a number songs turned into ringtones. I had quite a bit of help getting these created, so if you really like one of them, leave a message in the comments and I'll be sure to let the creator know. 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