{"id":3275,"date":"2014-12-08T21:37:31","date_gmt":"2014-12-09T03:37:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/?p=3275"},"modified":"2019-01-11T20:27:53","modified_gmt":"2019-01-12T02:27:53","slug":"i-really-hope-im-not-going-to-jail","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2014\/12\/i-really-hope-im-not-going-to-jail\/","title":{"rendered":"I really hope I’m not going to jail"},"content":{"rendered":"

Tonight, my (very nearly) 3-year-old daughter began announcing that I and her brothers would be going to jail for various reasons (I, apparently, committed the most grievous act of spilling her drink\u00e2\u20ac\u201dan honor that rightfully belonged to the 5-year-old). Cries of, “You spilled my drink! You’re going to jail!” and “He<\/em> spilled my drink? He’s<\/em> going to jail!” echoed from the back seat as we left Christmas In the Park<\/em> and the brightly lit decorations behind.<\/p>\n

After the tenth or eleventy-first time, I finally asked her if she even knew what jail was. While my wife muttered under her breath that jail was clearly a place where people that pissed her off were banished, never to be heard from again, there was silence from the back while my daughter considered her response.<\/p>\n

Then, “Yes, I know. Liam’s going to jail because he spilled my drink!”<\/p>\n

I shook my head and said a silent prayer of thanks that she had shifted her ire away from me. For now.<\/p>\n

As my wife continued navigating the road out of the park, I picked up my phone, queued up some Christmas music, and watched the lights as we drove home.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tonight, my (very nearly) 3-year-old daughter began announcing that I and her brothers would be going to jail for various reasons (I, apparently, committed the most grievous act of spilling her drink\u00e2\u20ac\u201dan honor that rightfully belonged to the 5-year-old). Cries of, “You spilled my drink! You’re going to jail!” and “He spilled my drink? He’s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[134],"tags":[29,337],"class_list":["post-3275","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life","tag-christmas","tag-parenthood","post-preview"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":4512,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2020\/11\/dirty-chocolate-nog-a-holiday-coffee-drink-recipe\/","url_meta":{"origin":3275,"position":0},"title":"Dirty Chocolate Nog: a holiday coffee drink recipe","author":"Jared Cash","date":"November 22, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"View this post on Instagram A post shared by Jared Cash (@zepfhyr) It has been around 2 years since I first downloaded Jumprope, an app for iOS and Android that allows you to quickly and easily create how-to videos and share them with the world. After several discarded drafts, I\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "A Day in the Life"","block_context":{"text":"A Day in the Life","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/img_0652-scaled.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/img_0652-scaled.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/img_0652-scaled.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/img_0652-scaled.jpg?fit=900%2C1200&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3059,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2013\/09\/reflections-from-a-booth-in-a-diner-on-the-first-day-of-september\/","url_meta":{"origin":3275,"position":1},"title":"Reflections from a booth in a diner on the first day of September","author":"Jared Cash","date":"September 1, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"I sit at a table in the diner and watch my family eat. A booth, actually. I sit in a booth at the diner and watch my family eat. My daughter asks for more fries. She uses her hands, signing \"more\" and then \"fries\". She's very precise when she does\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "A Day in the Life"","block_context":{"text":"A Day in the Life","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":698,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2008\/12\/on-the-subject-of-haircuts\/","url_meta":{"origin":3275,"position":2},"title":"On the subject of haircuts\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6","author":"Jared Cash","date":"December 6, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Avery and I went to get our first father-son haircut. I've been getting my hair cut at a place called Chop Tops\u00c2\u00a0since I moved into my house, as it was nearby, they give you a beer with your cut, and they do a great job with my hair. As it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random"","block_context":{"text":"Random","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/random\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":4367,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2020\/02\/overheard-at-the-father-daughter-dance\/","url_meta":{"origin":3275,"position":3},"title":"“Overheard” at the Father-Daughter Dance","author":"Jared Cash","date":"February 21, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"J: That's just a bun, that's not a sandwich. A: You're not a sandwich. J: No, I'm a manwich. A: You're a man witch? J: Yep. See, I can make this mac & cheese disappear. (J proceeds to eat mac & cheese) A: That's not magic. J: It's slow magic.\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "A Day in the Life"","block_context":{"text":"A Day in the Life","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/img_2247-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/img_2247-scaled.jpg?resize=350%2C200&ssl=1 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/img_2247-scaled.jpg?resize=525%2C300&ssl=1 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/img_2247-scaled.jpg?resize=700%2C400&ssl=1 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/img_2247-scaled.jpg?resize=1050%2C600&ssl=1 3x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/02\/img_2247-scaled.jpg?resize=1400%2C800&ssl=1 4x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2678,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2012\/08\/first-day-of-fall\/","url_meta":{"origin":3275,"position":4},"title":"First Day of Fall","author":"Jared Cash","date":"August 21, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"There is a tradition in my household. It started about 7 years ago, when my cousin (Andrew), my wife (Autumn), and I first discovered O'Fallon's Pumpkin Beer. It's an ale, brewed up with all the spices and flavors you'd expect of a pumpkin pie. 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