My grandmother died today.<\/p>\n
I don’t really know how to express how it makes me feel. We knew it was coming. I got to say goodbye. There was no chance that she would recover. But yesterday there was a woman occupying space in the world and today there is not.<\/p>\n
My mom’s mom passed this spring, which was different. But the same. I couldn’t find the words I needed then, either. I’d like to believe that writing this will be the first step toward moving forward.<\/p>\n
My grandmother was not a frail woman. She was a survivor. A fighter. She already beat cancer, but in the end it doesn’t matter. You can be the greatest fighter in the world, but you always lose the last fight.<\/p>\n
I remember seeing her in the hospital when it started\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Even when she had the procedure to remove fluid from her lungs and she bounced back, we were all told repeatedly that it was only a matter of time. Her strength returned, and with it came her personality and a small portion of her appetite. She was still tired, though. Oh so\u00c2\u00a0tired. But each visit made her face brighter\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 Saturday, it started to rain.<\/p>\n There was a complication. She had options, but none good. The family had a day to say goodbye while she was still lucid and then her medication would be changed to take away the pain. She held on long enough to give us a sense of closure. Selfless to the last.<\/p>\n This morning I was thinking about work. I was thinking about breakfast. I was thinking about my stuff and my problems and my day. I wasn’t thinking about the woman who took me to church camp and let me run wild; who always wanted to hear what I had to say and always made me feel loved and valuable and smart and important; who went out of her way to tell me how much she loved my wife and what an amazing family I have; who reminded me every time I saw her how lucky I was.<\/p>\n And now she’s gone.<\/p>\n It’s not fair and it’s not right and it’s how the world works.<\/p>\n But there’s a hole in it now that will never be filled.<\/p>\n At 8:26 am Central time, the world lost an irreplaceable piece of my heart, and the only way I know how to mark the occasion is to write this stupid little blog post. Because as insignificant as it is, everything else seems less.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" My grandmother died today. I don’t really know how to express how it makes me feel. We knew it was coming. I got to say goodbye. There was no chance that she would recover. But yesterday there was a woman occupying space in the world and today there is not. My mom’s mom passed this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[134],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3252","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life","post-preview"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":401,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2008\/10\/from-the-retroforce-go-casefiles-v-day\/","url_meta":{"origin":3252,"position":0},"title":"From the Retroforce GO! Casefiles: V-Day","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 30, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Just, fire and... and flames, just flames are pouring from the buildings now, there's cars toppled, buildings, entire, just... crushed and crumbled. I'm not sure if it's safe to report from my vantage point, I -- I really need to leave. Civil defenses inform me that the surrounding areas are,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Writing"","block_context":{"text":"Writing","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/writing\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2220,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2011\/10\/scary-movie-month-day-13-rosemarys-baby\/","url_meta":{"origin":3252,"position":1},"title":"Scary Movie Month – Day 13 – Rosemary’s Baby","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 13, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"If I hadn't already known what Rosemary's Baby (iTunes) was all about, I would have been quite disturbed by the events. 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Checking in with his girlfriend in the middle of the\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Poetry"","block_context":{"text":"Poetry","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/writing\/poetry\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2472,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2012\/03\/infinity-blade-and-clones-showdown\/","url_meta":{"origin":3252,"position":3},"title":"Infinity Blade and clones showdown","author":"Jared Cash","date":"March 15, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"When Infinity Blade was released for iOS, iPhone and iPad gamers all over the world became very, very excited. Here was a game with incredible graphics, marvelous gameplay, and an exciting (albeit threadbare) story. And, as can always be expected when a genre-defining hit is born, the clones slowly began\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Apple"","block_context":{"text":"Apple","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/apple\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3654,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2018\/10\/eleventhiversary\/","url_meta":{"origin":3252,"position":4},"title":"Eleventhiversary","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 21, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"Eleven years ago today, I married the most amazing woman I've ever met, and embarked on a remarkable journey that is still in its infancy. 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\n\u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 the dying
\n<\/em>\u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0<\/em>\u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0<\/em>\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6and I couldn’t believe how much smaller she looked. It wasn’t right. Lying there in that tiny bed struggling to breathe, fighting to stay awake, wishing for an end to the pain, the fight, the weight<\/em> of it all. And when they moved her to hospice care, I couldn’t believe it. Not my<\/em> grandma. She doesn’t give up.<\/p>\n
\n\u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0<\/em>but tired
\n<\/em>\u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0<\/em>\u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0 \u00c2\u00a0\u00c2\u00a0<\/em>\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6and her mood lighter. We could almost forget the dark cloud hanging over us all. Almost.<\/p>\n