“Sir\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 I don’t know if this is the best time for\u00e2\u20ac\u201c”<\/p>\n
Captain Dirk Darkstar of the Darkstar Spacestar Search & Research Society smacked his first officer across the mouth. The first officer went silent.<\/p>\n
“I don’t know what star system you were born in, boy, but I come from the Darkstar System. The darkest system of stars in the known universe.” Captain Darkstar chewed on his holo-cigar and blew holographic smoke across the deck. “I’m not afraid of anything in space. Which means, it’s always<\/em> time for\u00e2\u20ac\u201d”<\/p>\n The USS Darkstar rumbled and shook violently, like a children’s toy caught in a tug of war between God and a child intent on defying his maker. The first officer tumbled and sprawled out on the floor, but Dirk Darkstar, the youngest commander to have command of his own starship in the DSSRS fleet didn’t even flinch.<\/p>\n “Get up, Number One. We’ve got a space kraken to explode.”<\/p>\n Captain Dirk Darkstar flicked his holo-cigar into the holo-trash-receptacle, which flickered into nothingness as the system lost power. The telltale sound of air escaping into the void of deep space was all Captain Dirk Darkstar needed to motivate him to try his riskiest of maneuvers yet. He flipped up the emergency guard on the emergency superlaser detonato-ray activation button and jammed it down, hard.<\/p>\n “Space is no place for a cephalopod.” Captain Darkstar mentally checked off Use word-a-day calendar in tense situation<\/em> from his daily to-do list as the bridge of the USS Darkstar went white.<\/p>\n “Yippy-kay-yay, moth\u00e2\u20ac\u201d”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" “Sir\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 I don’t know if this is the best time for\u00e2\u20ac\u201c” Captain Dirk Darkstar of the Darkstar Spacestar Search & Research Society smacked his first officer across the mouth. The first officer went silent. “I don’t know what star system you were born in, boy, but I come from the Darkstar System. The darkest system […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[10],"tags":[197,324,229],"class_list":["post-3133","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writing","tag-funny","tag-humor","tag-satire","post-preview"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3126,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2013\/10\/battleshiploveblog\/","url_meta":{"origin":3133,"position":0},"title":"#BattleshipLoveBlog","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 11, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Last night I decided to watch BATTLESHIP, which is a mostly terrible movie that is full of big, stupid fun. I knew almost immediately that I was going to love hating this movie so I decided to do an impromptu live blog on App.net of my thoughts as I watched\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "A Day in the Life"","block_context":{"text":"A Day in the Life","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2902,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2013\/04\/a-sample-morning\/","url_meta":{"origin":3133,"position":1},"title":"A sample morning","author":"Jared Cash","date":"April 10, 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"The phone rang. It was 8:17 and it was my first phone call of the day. I picked up the phone. \"Tech office.\" \"I need your help troubleshooting a computer problem,\" began the teacher on the line. \"I can't get the projector to work.\" \"Did you restart it?\" \"Yeah, it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "A Day in the Life"","block_context":{"text":"A Day in the Life","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/life\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2237,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2011\/10\/scary-movie-month-day-17-rec\/","url_meta":{"origin":3133,"position":2},"title":"Scary Movie Month – Day 17 – [REC]","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 17, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"I never saw Quarantine (iTunes). It didn't look interesting to me, though mostly because I'm done with the hand-held camera style of filmmaking. And yet, when I was busy looking for scary movies to watch this month, [REC] (iTunes) popped up a couple times. It was all in Spanish and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Movies"","block_context":{"text":"Movies","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/movies\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":284,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2009\/01\/music-ringtones\/","url_meta":{"origin":3133,"position":3},"title":"Music ringtones, Updated 1\/27\/09","author":"Jared Cash","date":"January 27, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"Here are a number songs turned into ringtones. I had quite a bit of help getting these created, so if you really like one of them, leave a message in the comments and I'll be sure to let the creator know. The Breakup Song - American Hi-Fi - iPhone -\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Apple"","block_context":{"text":"Apple","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/apple\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":600,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2008\/11\/what-will-you-be-doing-on-may-8th-2008\/","url_meta":{"origin":3133,"position":4},"title":"The Most Excellent Frontier","author":"Jared Cash","date":"November 18, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"What will you be doing on May 8th, 2008? I know I'm going to be at the movie theater watching Star Trek. I've been mildly excited for this movie since I first heard word of it. But I've been skeptical, too. Star Trek has always been such a hit and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Movies"","block_context":{"text":"Movies","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/movies\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":3262,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2014\/10\/bonjour-yosemite-and-you\/","url_meta":{"origin":3133,"position":5},"title":"Bonjour, Yosemite, and you!","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 19, 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"For several months now, I've been watching my Apple TV\u00c2\u00a0have an identity crisis whenever I see its name advertised across the network via Bonjour. I named my Apple TV Durendal (because all of my devices are named after weapons and because Marathon is awesome). It used to only happen every\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Apple"","block_context":{"text":"Apple","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/apple\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3133","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3133"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3133\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3134,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3133\/revisions\/3134"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3133"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3133"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3133"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}