{"id":2750,"date":"2013-01-09T11:01:48","date_gmt":"2013-01-09T17:01:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/?p=2750"},"modified":"2019-01-12T17:27:46","modified_gmt":"2019-01-12T23:27:46","slug":"qualcomms-ces-keynote-the-perfect-shitstorm-of-crazy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2013\/01\/qualcomms-ces-keynote-the-perfect-shitstorm-of-crazy\/","title":{"rendered":"Qualcomm’s CES keynote: The perfect shitstorm of crazy"},"content":{"rendered":"

Qualcomm’s insane CES 2013 keynote in pictures and tweets<\/a><\/p>\n

Honestly, it’s like when Steve Jobs died, necromancers from every tech company on the planet worked together to trap his soul on this plane and then tore it into pieces, passing them from company to company, binding them with dark magicks in a vain attempt to capture the Apple keynote for themselves. And this abomination is what happens when more than one Jobsoul is brought into proximity with each other. The warping of reality can’t sustain the dark energies as the strain to coerce a fractured genius into bestowing its greatness on something unworthy is simply flung outward into reality around it.<\/p>\n

If you want to witness the entirety of the most frakked up thing to ever come out of CES (or if you just want to see what it looks like when a hellspawn is birthed upon an unsuspecting populace), you can watch the whole thing here<\/a>.<\/p>\n

UPDATE:<\/em><\/strong> After having watched the first 30 minutes of the video, I’ve come away with a few realizations. 1) Steve Ballmer is every bit as crazy as before and he looks like a reptile. Specifically, a raptor of some sort that has grown too old and fat to hunt anymore. 2) The CEO of Qualcomm, Paul Jacobs, looks like he just ate my family, thinks it’s funny, and is failing big time to hide it from me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Qualcomm’s insane CES 2013 keynote in pictures and tweets Honestly, it’s like when Steve Jobs died, necromancers from every tech company on the planet worked together to trap his soul on this plane and then tore it into pieces, passing them from company to company, binding them with dark magicks in a vain attempt to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[257],"tags":[226,201],"class_list":["post-2750","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-rat","tag-microsoft","tag-steve-jobs","post-preview"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":900,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2009\/01\/in-which-wil-wheaton-blocks-me-on-twitter-for-no-readily-apparent-reason\/","url_meta":{"origin":2750,"position":0},"title":"In which Wil Wheaton (@wilw) blocks me on Twitter for no readily apparent reason","author":"Jared Cash","date":"January 29, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"About a year-and-a-half ago, the guys over at Penny Arcade made available the speech from their keynote speaker at PAX '07. 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