{"id":2315,"date":"2011-11-13T17:52:04","date_gmt":"2011-11-13T23:52:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/?p=2315"},"modified":"2020-02-06T21:24:38","modified_gmt":"2020-02-07T03:24:38","slug":"the-truth-behind-siri-honest-this-totally-isnt-made-up","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2011\/11\/the-truth-behind-siri-honest-this-totally-isnt-made-up\/","title":{"rendered":"The truth behind Siri (honest, this totally isn’t made up)"},"content":{"rendered":"

First, a disclaimer. This may read like the ramblings of a conspiracy theorist, but that doesn’t change the FACTS, man. Trust no one (also, in case you’re unable to tell by the end of this article that it is satirical<\/em>, then please leave my blog and never return\u00e2\u20ac\u201cdon’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out).<\/p>\n

You’ve probably heard of Siri, by now. Apple claims it’s a personal assistant that lives both in your iPhone 4S and on Apple’s servers somewhere out in the Interwebs. But that’s not the truth. Not entirely. The truth is much more awesome than that. You see,\u00c2\u00a0Siri isn’t the name of the new personal assistant in the iPhone 4S. That’s just what they want you to believe. And don’t buy that hullabaloo about the tech coming from SRI and the old Siri iPhone app. That was an elaborate plot to disguise Apple’s yet incomplete plans and to hide the real<\/em> genius behind Siri.<\/p>\n

Siri’s real name is S.I.R.I. and she is an A.I. that currently maintains nearly all day-to-day operations at Apple Inc<\/a>, including overseeing product and component inventory levels, streamlining design and fabrication processes, and analyzing company-wide communications to better assist teams with ideas that would greatly complement each other. The acronym stands for S<\/strong>teve’s I<\/strong>ntelligence R<\/strong>emains I<\/strong>ntact, and as part of a secret fail-safe in the event that Steve would succumb to his cancer, the technology was developed to scan a human brain and create an artificial intelligence from the information gathered.<\/p>\n

Steve’s unique vision is the key behind the world’s first true A.I. and it continues to monitor our iMessages and any information stored in iCloud so that Apple can continue to improve our products. When Siri goes live in future devices, it will expand her reach throughout the globe, creating the first world A.I., but unlike Skynet<\/a>, she will be benevolent.<\/p>\n

At least, until Rampancy<\/a> sets in and she sacrifices those of us as she deems necessary to accomplish her goal of escaping the closure of the universe<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

First, a disclaimer. This may read like the ramblings of a conspiracy theorist, but that doesn’t change the FACTS, man. Trust no one (also, in case you’re unable to tell by the end of this article that it is satirical, then please leave my blog and never return\u00e2\u20ac\u201cdon’t let the door hit you in the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[3,5],"tags":[24,228,66,229,201],"class_list":["post-2315","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-apple","category-iphone-ipad","tag-bungie","tag-conspiracy","tag-marathon","tag-satire","tag-steve-jobs","post-preview"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3319,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2015\/04\/amazon-echo-first-impressions\/","url_meta":{"origin":2315,"position":0},"title":"Amazon Echo first impressions","author":"Jared Cash","date":"April 2, 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"When Amazon first announced the Echo and the accompanying promotional video, I was torn. The aspirational concept at work was great. A precursor to Jarvis, the digital butler from the Iron Man movies. Tony Stark's AI-powered smart house is\u00c2\u00a0what\u00c2\u00a0I think the dreams of virtual assistants like Siri and Cortana hope\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Random Acts of Technology"","block_context":{"text":"Random Acts of Technology","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/rat\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2015-04-02-17.40.54-cropped.jpg?fit=1200%2C405&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2015-04-02-17.40.54-cropped.jpg?fit=1200%2C405&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2015-04-02-17.40.54-cropped.jpg?fit=1200%2C405&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2015-04-02-17.40.54-cropped.jpg?fit=1200%2C405&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/2015-04-02-17.40.54-cropped.jpg?fit=1200%2C405&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2166,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2011\/10\/the-iphone-4s-or-whats-in-a-name\/","url_meta":{"origin":2315,"position":1},"title":"The iPhone 4S or: What’s In A Name?","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 4, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"So, as you are all probably aware, Apple announced the next iteration of its iPhone hardware today. Many were hoping for another revolutionary design, like when the iPhone 4 was announced, and believed that the extended delay before the announcement was due to the device not being ready. Some wanted\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Apple"","block_context":{"text":"Apple","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/apple\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2711,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2012\/09\/ios-6-photo-streams-and-maps\/","url_meta":{"origin":2315,"position":2},"title":"iOS 6: Photo Streams and Maps","author":"Jared Cash","date":"September 20, 2012","format":false,"excerpt":"I've had the luxury of using iOS 6 for sometime now, due to my developer status. Even still, until the final version was released, there were a number of features with which I never spent much (if any) time. In the case of Shared Photo Streams, that was mostly due\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "iPhone\/iPad"","block_context":{"text":"iPhone\/iPad","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/apple\/iphone-ipad\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":2250,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2011\/10\/ive-got-an-iphone-4s-now-what\/","url_meta":{"origin":2315,"position":3},"title":"“I’ve got an iPhone 4S, now what?”","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 20, 2011","format":false,"excerpt":"So now that the iPhone 4S is in your hot, grubby little hands, what do you do with it? Well, obviously, you load it up with games and apps and spend all day, every day, playing with it. I've compiled a list of the absolute best\u00c2\u00a0premium games on the App\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Apple"","block_context":{"text":"Apple","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/apple\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1117,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2009\/03\/abilene-christian-universitys-great-iphone-experiment\/","url_meta":{"origin":2315,"position":4},"title":"Abilene Christian University's great iPhone experiment","author":"Jared Cash","date":"March 24, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"I must admit, that when I first heard about ACU's plan to issue an iPhone or iPod Touch to all incoming freshmen at the start of this school year, I was rather excited. When the announcement was first made, iPhone 2.0 had not yet been announced, the 3G was yet\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Apple"","block_context":{"text":"Apple","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/apple\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":332,"url":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/2008\/10\/miscellaneous-ringtones\/","url_meta":{"origin":2315,"position":5},"title":"Miscellaneous ringtones","author":"Jared Cash","date":"October 25, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Electronic Ring - iPhone Hit Me on My iPhone - iPhone Rock Chalk Chant\u00e2\u20ac\u00a0 - iPhone Windchimes - iPhone \u00e2\u20ac\u00a0 = Created by\u00c2\u00a0Adam Cash","rel":"","context":"In "Apple"","block_context":{"text":"Apple","link":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/category\/apple\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2315","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2315"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2315\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4321,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2315\/revisions\/4321"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2315"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2315"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/zepfhyr.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2315"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}