Autumn came up with a really neat idea today to create cool night lights for the boys tonight. While at the hobby store, she picked up some jars shaped like light bulbs, complete with lids shaped like (made from?) actual bulb screws (and are even capable of being screwed into a light socket, which I don’t recommend unless you want to start a fire). We have around 50 glow bracelets in our house, because every time they’re on sale, Autumn buys a pack or two. Her idea was to cut them open and pour the liquid into the jars so that they glowed in the dark. However, during our trial run, we discovered that the liquid didn’t come out very easily and made a pretty big mess everywhere.

So, instead, we simply pushed the bracelets down inside the jars and screwed the lids back on tight. It actually turned out pretty cool. The boys put three glow bracelets into each jar. I went ahead and made one with four bracelets and took a couple of pictures of it to share with you all. The whole project cost $8 for 4 night lights ($1.75 a jar and $1.00 for 10 glow bracelets).

Dr. Mary Smith, one of the researchers on the fellatio study: “Only with regular occurrence will your chances be reduced.”

Oh, and it can help “shorten the length of a cold or a flu, can soothe a sore throat, and can help manage depression.”

Science is awesome.

One particular gem shone through the darkness to really bring a sense of mischief to my mind. As a result, I dusted off my trusty Chain Gloves with +1 to Satire and prepared a response. First, here is his letter:

Dear Bungie,

For the past month i have been waiting for bungies latest installment in the halo series and with the hype and build up finally coming to and end with the halo reach beta coming out,i couldnt wait to get my teeth into it, but from what i can see so far my expectations have been greatly exaggurated.

Firstly the people at bungie have tried to make the game to much like call of duty and in doing so having killed the soul and fun aspect of the game we have all come to love. I mean seriously Jet packs? Which idiot came up with the idea of putting a jet pack into halo! if i wanted to use a jet pack i would have simply gone out to the shops and bought star wars for xbox not spent 2 hours of my life downloading reach.

Secondly i would like to express my hatrid towards the grab bags who decided that the battle rifle was too good for the game and replaced it with the single most worst, pathetic, sorry excuse for a gun i have ever seen. seriously do you exprect me to try and have a decent dual with some one who in the middle of it trys to slap the ground with the stupid armour lock perk. another reason why i am not going to buy reach is because of the worst beat down system to date! if i cant beat down someone who isnt one shot then there is a serious problem.

Please fix this game or you will loose probably your most finacial giving customer, because i always buy your stupid over priced map packs. seriously get a grip or i will go and play shadow run (A Game which takes skill like the previous halo games.)

Oh, and another thing try updating your servers so they dont crash when more than 5 people are trying to download or play the beta. i mean do you just keep it in a portacabin.

As disapointment goes mine is very big. i would like you to therefore refund my map packs and other purchases to date, and also send me a free bungie t-shirt.

Yours Faithfully

James Vickers ( Annoyed Fan)

And now, my response:

Dear James,

For the past month I have been waiting for iTz xViiCkerZx’s latest installment in the “I Wish Halo: Reach Was Exactly Like Everything I Expected It To Be But Not Really Any Different From Previous Halo Games That I Loved” series of rants and with the hype finally coming to an end with the “Complete and Utter Failure to Use Proper Spelling and Grammar Techniques” rant finally coming out, I couldn’t wait to sink my teeth into it. Unfortunately, from what I can see so far, my expectations have been greatly exaggerated.

Firstly, iTz xViiCkerZx has tried to make the rant too much like a similar rant over at the Call of Duty forums and, in so doing, has removed the soul and the entertainment value of the rant we have all come to love. I mean seriously, complaining about jet packs? What kind of idiot comes up with the idea of complaining about a jet pack in a sci-fi war game?! If I wanted to play Halo 2 or Halo 3, I would have simply gone over to my game shelf, pulled it down, and placed it into my console rather than spending 2 hours of my life reading a very well-crafted book called The Strain (by Guillermo del Toro of “Pan’s Labyrinth” and “The Hobbit” fame), which I quite fortuitously had on hand to keep myself entertained while the Reach beta downloaded. Thank goodness for a means of entertainment as an alternative to my Xbox 360.

Secondly I would like to express my extreme displeasure over the paragraph complaining about the removal of the Battle Rifle. I really was hoping for a polite discourse over why iTz xViiCkerZx preferred to continue using the same exact weapons for three consecutive games, rather than getting the opportunity to try something new and exciting, as the developers fine-tune the already awesome franchise they’ve crafted. Seriously, do you expect me to just ignore the ignorant discourse of a child that has devoted his entire life to mastering a very specific skill set and is throwing a temper tantrum because he has to learn a new system in case someone decides to use the Armor Lock in the middle of combat? I am not going to read any more of these rants due to the most confusing sentence structure to date! If I can’t understand the point of a sentence due to unintelligible gibberish, then there is a serious problem.

Please fix this rant or you will probably lose your most avid reader. I always read your sloppy, overwrought, angst-ridden dissertations. Seriously get a grip or I will go and read a Stephen King novel (an author which takes pride in his work, like I once thought iTz xViiCkerZx did).

Oh, and another thing: try updating your dictionary software so that spell-check doesn’t crash when more than 5 errors are found in one post. I mean, unless you’re just choosing not to use it at all.

As disappointment goes, mine is very big (veiled penile humor intentional). I would like you to therefore refund my Bungie forum membership fee and other purchases to date (such as the T-shirt I bought at Target that got spaghetti sauce on it the first time I wore it, as well as the DVD player I got for Christmas that broke when I threw it against the wall because the Iron Man 2 trailer didn’t live up to my very stringent expectations). Please also send me a free “I’m With Vickers” t-shirt, if there are still any in stock.

Yours faithfully,

Jared Cash (satirist-for-hire)

There are spoilers ahead. You have been warned.

So far, I’m cautiously optimistic about the show, but the reasons why are what’s really important.

To begin, I’ve seen the original miniseries and found it remarkable. It was well-paced, fairly well-acted (despite the involvement of The Beastmaster), and had an excellent subtext hearkening back to the Nazi rise to power before World War 2.

Having said that, I’ll explain what I liked about the reimagining. For starters, the opening 10 minutes is really solid, with a well-crafted portrayal of the various primary chracters going about their daily lives as the V’s arrive. A plane falls out of the sky, its pilot unconsciously parachuting to the ground. The ships appear overhead and cause fear and panic. There’s even an excellent tongue-in-cheek moment where a kid being interviewed for the news points out that the V’s entrance is right out of Independence Day, while his friend comments that ID4 was a rip-off of many movies that came before.

Another thing I like about it is that it’s going to give us the opportunity to see a lot more of the story, as the original incarnation of the show was canceled during its first season, leaving much of the story unfinished. Assuming this show makes it two seasons, it would be enough to complete the cycle satisfactorily.

The show has some excellent cinematography. The leader of the V’s and her right-hand man are often shown at angles that make them seem imposing or menacing. There are even scenes where Ana (the leader) is made to look even more lizard-like through the use of lights, shadows, and angles.

Lastly, the show hints that the current instability in our world is due to alien agents causing wars and economic depression. My wife has taken that to mean that the show is trying to tell us that GWB is an alien.

But unfortunately, there are things about the show that aren’t so great. For starters, having seen the miniseries, I was disappointed with how quickly the key secrets of the story were given away much too quickly. Essentially, the first 90 minutes of the V miniseries was compressed into one episode of the new series. I had hoped the series would go the opposite direction and stretch out the story, not shorten it.

Further, what made the miniseries so great was the use of a character that had survived Germany in WW2 and spoke about how the same shift in power and loss of civil rights was happening again. While it would not make sense to have the same character in this story due to the 20 year time difference, I do hope that some sort of parallels are drawn as the series progresses.

Lastly, I mourn the death of Alan Tudyk’s character so early in the show. Having a mole in the FBI during the course of the series would have been an excellent way to drive the plot and characters forward. Revealing their true identities so early and ending their characters’ lives eliminates the possibility of having those elements for at least several episodes while they set up new characters to replace Alan Tudyk’s dead one.

All-in-all, V is about what I expected it to be. I had little hope it would be a great show, and wasn’t even sure it would be a good show. I’ll tune in next week to see where the series progresses, but I’m not expecting anything extraordinary. But it’s fun sci-fi/action with pretty actors, so it’ll do to fill my down time at work.

I recommend watching it full-screen in HD here.

In the game there was a cheat that enabled “theater mode”, a thinly-veiled Mystery Science Theater version of the game’s cinematics. Thanks to the magicks of YouTube, they have been preserved for your viewing pleasure. Here is the other easter egg I found while looking for the rest of the videos.

The first is called Songs for Samus by Seed A.I. (click the link at the top of the page to download). It’s an excellent chiptunes album that includes a song you may recognize titled “While My Gameboy Gently Weeps”. You can also listen to the full-length of Lullabies of the Lost while at the site, as well. It’s a very catchy album that’s part ambience, part electronic, and fully epic. If you like the album, you can pick it up from iTunes here, or order a physical CD or even vinyl release from the site itself. If you’re a fan of this particular style of music, then I recommend checking out Bit Shifter (iTunes).

The second album is called Everyone You Love Will Be Happy Soon by Quiet Company. They are a rock band from Texas that use the piano as the focal-point of their musical stylings. If you’re a fan of Ben Folds, there’s a good chance you’ll enjoy Quiet Company.

You can pick up the latest album on iTunes here. If you like it, they’ve got another album from 3 years ago called Shine Honesty. You can pick that up here.

A little bit of info I think everyone should know about Elijah Loving:

• He plays goalie in soccer (footy if you’re European).
• His artwork is amazing.
• He once had a concussion that required he be awakened every 2 hours during the night. Since I was the only person that cared enough about him to do this horribly difficult job, I watched the entire* Star Wars trilogy with him in one night. He didn’t even make it through A New Hope before succumbing to the brain hemorrhage and I had to start smacking him awake.
• He beat Chuck Norris in a fight, but because he’s such a humble person, he has lied about it ever since to preserve Chuck’s image and ego.
• He is more organized than you.

So if any of these fun facts has inspired you to learn more about the awesome-sauce that pumps through his veins or how it can result in such incredibly cool watercolor art, then visit his site now.

*By “entire”, I am referring to the only Star Wars movies that matter, i.e. the original trilogy. If you disagree with this statement, kindly remove yourself from my website and do not breed.

Now, on to the important stuff. But first, select episodes of Star Trek (the digitally remastered versions) are available on iTunes for $1.99 each. You can get there via this link here.

WARNING: Ahead there be spoilers!

Why the need to destroy Vulcan?

Destroying Vulcan, I think, was a choice made to show that in this Star Trek universe, the characters are not safe. Their homes aren’t safe. This has always been achieved in the series by killing off unnamed crew members. In the movies this was largely the same method, aside from Wrath of Kahn (where Spock himself is struck down in a heroic act) and Generations (where Kirk dies in another heroic act). J.J. has never been one to pull punches, so when given the opportunity to hit Trekkies where it hurts and make them *feel* something instead of just *intellectualize* something, he took it.

Why make Spock responsible for the annihilation of either of the two planets?

Perhaps I missed the moments in the movie where this was discussed, but it was my interpretation that Spock was only responsible for the annihilation of Romulus and only due to his not being fast enough to stop the supernova. Something that could hardly have been his fault unless he was charged with watching that specific star for signs of nova and missed them in the first place. He didn’t have to save Romulus at all and he volunteered to do so at great risk to himself, but unfortunately set out on his quest to do so too late.

However, by making him indirectly responsible, and setting that burden on him, this is another way that J.J. makes these characters feel more real to us. They make mistakes, they don’t always win and that’s what makes the universe connect with our own.

Why eliminate Jim Kirk’s relationship with his father?

This is an interesting question as J.J. Abrams often uses father-son/father-daughter relationship issues as a writing technique in his TV shows (Sydney & Jack Bristow in Alias, Jack & Christian Shepherd in Lost, Peter & Walter Bishop in Fringe). What makes this more interesting is that J.J. was not credited as a writer for the screenplay of Star Trek. However, he was probably heavily involved in the details of the script as the two writers of the screenplay have been working with him since Alias and are his two chief writers on Lost and Fringe.

Story-wise, it allows us a more dystopian universe for our Enterprise crew. Instead of them being well-adjusted individuals that have suffered very little that work their way up through the ranks to become pillars of awesome in Starfleet, we get to see them struggle to overcome the injustices of the universe caused by events beyond their control.

Why create a romantic relationship between bridge crew members that never existed before?

My theory on this was that it was the only way to make Uhura, a character that was little more than a token black woman in the original series into something that had actual impact on the characters. She is now Spock’s only link to his human side. His mother served that role in the original series and with her death, Uhura will fill that void. The relationship likely existed before due to the butterfly effect of the U.S.S. Kelvin being destroyed.

I know this is a niggling detail, but why does young Scotty need to know about technological breakthroughs he won’t make until later in his life?

The same reason that Scotty tells a scientist about transparent aluminum in Star Trek IV, “How do we know that he’s not the one who invented it?” The Prime Directive only serves as a way to show that these crew members will do whatever it takes to win, even skirt the rules when necessary.