Silence, Facebook!

Or, wait… Is it “Silence Facebook”? Are they silencing Facebook or telling Facebook to–what? They’re here? Oh! They’re here!

Hello, reader!

Did you recently update to the latest version of Facebook on your fancy, schmancy iPhone only to discover that it plays annoying bleeps and bloops every time you do anything?
Well, talk about a first-world problem! There are kids starving in… somewhere. I forget where kids are starving these days. When I was a kid it was either India or China. But I’m pretty sure they’re starving elsewhere, too. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is, you want your $800 pocket computer to just SHUT UP when you’re busy trying to see if the girl you had a crush on in high school is finally single so you can finally get up the courage to—oh, come on, who are you kidding? You’re not asking her out. You’re pathetic. But, hey. You still don’t need to broadcast to the room that you’re Facebooking when you’re supposed to be paying attention in the HR meeting that is only happening because you (once again) made inappropriate comments to the receptionist.

Dick.

Anyway, here’s how you turn it off. And since I know you barely read, I put the instructions in picture form. And made it all one picture, because I know how hard it is for you to click or tap on more than one without getting bored.

IMG_7761

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